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Mutual

February's Carnival of Aros is being hosted by Allos, and the theme is Relationship Anarchy. 

• If there’s a part of the manifesto (here) that speaks to you or that you want to discuss at-depth, feel free to do so.

For this piece, I will be looking at this specific section of Andie Nordgren's "The short instructional manifesto for relationship anarchy": 

"Love and respect instead of entitlement

Deciding to not base a relationship on a foundation of entitlement is about respecting others’ independence and self-determination. Your feelings for a person or your history together does not make you entitled to command and control a partner to comply with what is considered normal to do in a relationship. Explore how you can engage without stepping over boundaries and personal beliefs. Rather than looking for compromises in every situation, let loved ones choose paths that keep their integrity intact, without letting this mean a crisis for the relationship. Staying away from entitlement and demands is the only way to be sure that you are in a relationship that is truly mutual. Love is not more “real” when people compromise for each other because it’s part of what’s expected.”

This part of the manifesto really sticks out to me and is why I’ve felt myself shifting towards relationship anarchy. I first read this manifesto maybe 3 or 4 months ago and the idea of a relationship not being about ownership feels so natural yet so foreign at the same time. As far as I can remember, normative romo/sexual relationships have been about owning another person. Owning their space, owning their time, owning their emotional labor...the expectation that all relationships should include suffering because it is difficult to own the entirety of another person. Many people use phrasing such as sharing, or compromising, but it has always seemed thinly veiled to me. 

( Click to read the rest! )